Yes Mother
by A.K.Rai
Summary: Comedy! Holmes's mother comes to stay for the weekend, but turns out to be a little more then embarrassing! Finished!
1. Mary's white lie

Disclaimer: Characters not mine

This comedy is meant purely for a bit of fun, so please don't flame!

I dedicate it to my loyal reviewers Susicar and VHunter07, and I hope you all enjoy:

It was on the 3rd of August, that I looked up from my newspaper only to see a rare look of shock and dread across my friends face. I had come to stay with Mary for the weekend, because repair work was being done at our house, and Holmes had very kindly offered to accommodate us. We had finished our breakfast and Mary had gone out shopping, a few moments later a letter had come for Mr.. Sherlock Holmes, and it was this that he now held with such a bewildered expression.

"What is it Holmes?" I asked "has something gone wrong in a case?"

"It is far worst then that Watson, its... my mother"

"Your mother? Is something wrong with her?"

"Worst, she's... coming to stay for the weekend" there was such fear in his voice that I almost laughed.

"Surely she can't be that bad Holmes?"

"That bad! God she'll be here any minute. Mrs. Hudson! I need this house spotless in 20 minutes, no don't look so shocked its absolutely necessary!" and with that he ran off a began a rushed tidying of his room.

A few moments later there came a sharp knocking on the door and my friend, most unlike himself, almost leaped from his skin.

"She's here!" he gasped, quickly managing to sit down and regain his usual calm face before a lady in her late 70s walked into the room.

There was no doubt as to who she was, for the moment she entered there came with her the same feeling of intellect and dominating power which was common to my friend, they even looked somewhat the same, with long black hair and a thin face and structure. She had a flamboyant black gown which trailed behind her as she entered, and I rose to greet her. Holmes had only mentioned her once, the same time I had found out he had a brother, so I was naturally curious as to what she would be like. Holmes however, seemed to be glued to his chair in shock so I motioned our guest towards a seat.

"Who are you young man?" came her sharp voice

"Oh, I am sorry, I'm Doctor Watson, your son's friend"

"Oh yes I've heard of you, I was amazed"

"May I ask why?"

"Well because my Sherlock had a friend of course! Never had friends my baby boy, you know that once he..." But Holmes seemed to have come to his senses in light of the situation and hurriedly offered his mother some tea before she could continue. At that point there came a ring of the bell and I went downstairs to answer it myself. It was Mary, and I quickly explained to her in the hall what had happened before saying:

"You've been a while"

"Are you afraid that I'm courting someone else John dear?" she replied with a mischievous smile

"I would never have reason to fear that" I said, but the change on her face showed that I had said something wrong.

"You don't think I'm good enough for anyone else do you?" she said angrily

"No that's not..." But she had already stormed into the lounge just in time to hear Mrs. Holmes say:

"So Sherlock, I assume you have a wife by now?"

"Yes of course" he said quickly before thinking.

"Well then, where is she?" Holmes face went a tone paler, but it was my wife's mischievous smile in my direction that I feared most.

"I am Sherlock's wife Mrs. Holmes" she said smiling. Holmes was looking with a puzzled face in my direction, as though I had planned this, but I merely shrugged my shoulders with an exasperated expression.

"Oh and what a beauty you are too! However did you manage to marry such a girl as this Sherlock? "

"Err..."

"You haven't told me her name yet"

"Oh its miss..I mean Mrs. wa.. Mary... Mary Holmes"

"What a pretty name, is he good to you Mary?"

"Oh yes Mrs. Holmes" said my wife now walking over behind Holmes and placing her hands gently on his shoulders, this was a bit of a fright for my friend however, and he leapt out of his seat.

"You must call me Violet Mary, if you are now my daughter in law"

"Of course Violet"

"And what about you Dr Watson? Are you married?"

"Um no" I said hastily covering my ring with my other hand "No I... have not been so lucky"

"Oh dear, well your time will come! Maybe my Sherlock could give you some tips" at this point Holmes looked at me with a expression on his face that could only be described as apologetic, I nodded to show the apology was accepted, it was, after all my wife that was causing the trouble, but it was not to end there, she seemed determined to show me that she could have any man she wanted, even the cold hearted Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

"Well I'm going out to see a friend now dear" she said. Holmes took a few moments to comprehend it was to him that she was speaking.

"Of course, I will see you later... dear" this last word took some apparent effort on his behave. She leaned over and to everyone save Mrs. Holmes surprise, drew my friend towards her with her hands on his shoulders, and sunk into a deep passionate kiss. Holmes couldn't have been more shocked had I myself done it, and he seemed to go rigid with terror, his eyes wide open. Mary on the other hand seemed to be enjoying her torturing of us both, and she gave a smile as she saw my face go red. I have never been a jealous man but this!

She left, and thankfully Mrs. Holmes decided to accompany her. Leaving me and Holmes alone. Holmes had fallen into his chair, still apparently unrecovered.

"Watson I..."

"Don't worry old friend it was she not you"

"Yes but I should have..."

"You couldn't Holmes not without upsetting your mother. If there is one man in the world I would trust to steal my wife for the weekend its you"

"And what is that suppose to mean?" he said, the mischievous look now returning to his face "You never know dear Watson I might not give her back!" For once I decided to play his bluff.

"OK then Holmes, I'll go prepare your bed then shall I?"

"What for?"

"Well a married couple must sleep in the same bed" I said walking towards his room. The next moment he had run across the lounge and leapt upon me, dragging me away.

"No no Watson I assure you that won't be necessary" he said, and I was surprised to see that he looked positively terrified at the very thought.

_More mischief to come..._

HeHe, I hope you are enjoying this so far, and I beg you to tell me if you are, or else I might be sitting here none the wiser laughing on my own!


	2. A mothers helping hand

_Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine_

_So here is chapter two! Hope you enjoy:_

Mrs. Holmes was most insistent that she was to sleep on the couch, and I now saw where Holmes got it from, for I had known him, on more then one occasion, to sleep in conditions worst then even the street outside could offer. After an hour of trying to convince Holmes that it would not look right for Mary to simply come up to bed with his best friend, he finally gave in and, after his mother had retired he made himself a comfortable bed on the floor while Mary got into his. She had yet to talk to me since our last conversation. If it when not for it being Holmes that she was with I would have personally stood guard at the door.

I was woken half way though the night by a tugging at my sleeve.

'John? John dear wake up' came my darlings voice in my ear. I looked to see her standing over me looking very scared.

'What is it?' I mumbled half awake.

'It's Mr.Holmes, I think he's having a fit!' she said. I instantly rose and put on my dressing gown. Feeling much happier then when I retired as I now hugged and comforted my dear Mary, who seemed quite disturbed. Creeping down the stairs, Mary at my side, I entered my friends bedroom, only to see him flailing around as she had described. I instantly saw it to be a pretense, though seeing Holmes plan, I played along.

'Oh yes dear your right, well Mr.Holmes is know for his violent dreaming, there is... not a lot... you will have to worry about' I said in a falsely unconvinced voice.

'Oh no' she said 'I should much prefer to return to our room if this is the case, I will simply rise before Mrs.Holmes so she will not know'

'If that's what you want dear' I said giving her a peck on the cheek before ushering her upstairs. Looking down at Holmes, I noticed that he had stopped flailing so much, and before I left I bent over him and muttered 'thank you' in his ear. I swear that I saw him give a smile before I went up stairs to see Mary.

Morning came and I went downstairs to find Mrs. Holmes dressed and seated at the table. The doorbell rang and I sighed, thinking that even in the mist of the building work my own home would be more relaxing. A few moments later Holmes came out of his room, quickly preparing himself to greet our visitor.

"Perhaps it best you go wait downstairs mother" he said whilst putting on his waistcoat. But before she could answer Lestrade had come bumbling into the room.

"Arr Holmes, Just the man I wanted... but, I'm sorry, who is this" he said indicating towards our weekend visitor"

"My mother" Holmes mumbled incoherently, as if hoping Lestrade wouldn't ask him to repeat himself.

'Your mother hey?' said Lestrade to my friends great dismay 'Well its lovely to meet you Mrs. Holmes' he said walking over to her and planting a kiss on her hand.

'Sherlock you have such adorable friends! Maybe this young gentlemen could teach you some manners' she said

Holmes went slightly red and instantly grabbed Lestrade by the arm and pulled him outside to talk, I could see that Lestrade was enjoying himself greatly as he reluctantly left the room. They spent a few moments in quiet conversation before re-entering.

'Watson come quickly, Lestrade and his men have a known murderer trapped in his house down the street' Holmes said, and I rushed to grab my revolver before following him out the living room door. Mrs. Holmes came rushing out to.

'Can I come meet this Noel Urderen too?'

'Known murderer mother, and no its to dangerous' said Holmes rushing down the stairs.

'Sherlock dear you forgot your coat!' she now said.

'I don't need it mother I...'

'Sherlock Holmes you march right up those stairs and come get your coat, I don't want you catching a cold' she said in an authoritative tone. I really did feel sorry for my friend as he traipsed back up the stairs to get it, and I was sure that I heard Lestrade mumble

'Are you sure this isn't to scary for you Sherlock dear?' to him on the way out. Holmes gave him a hard push out the door, but Lestrade didn't stop laughing all the way down the street.

It was outside a small house on the corner of the street that we positioned ourselves, guns at the ready. The police had been watching the man for three days, and hoped to take him unawares as he left the house. The door opened and a man with thick black hair and a moustache steeped out side. Within a second all six men had raised their guns to shoot, but then...

'Would any of you like a cup of tea?' Mrs. Holmes now said standing directly in front of our man with a tray of teacups.

'Lower your guns!' Holmes yelled to the men who were about to fire. They did as he said and our man sprinted around the corner into a road off of Baker street. We chased him for a while, but he was no where to be seen so we returned. Holmes trying to control his apparent anger.

'Mother, thanks to you the man has just run away' he said through gritted teeth.

'Well no wonder Sherlock, what with all you and your guns you probably scared the poor boy' she said 'I'll go take this inside for when you and your friends are finished playing'

'That's probably wise' I told her in a soft voice before Holmes said something he regretted.

We spent a few minutes in the cold, shocked at what had happened, before one of the policemen chirped up:

'Can we go have some of that tea now?' Lestrade threw Holmes another look of anger before agreeing that we should go inside.

We walked in and I could hear voices from upstairs, which was strange since Mary was out and Mrs. Hudson had greeted us at the door. Opening the door to the living room and stepping inside, all six men's mouths dropped open in surprise. Sitting at the table was the same man that had just alluded us. Mrs. Holmes was in the motion of pouring him a cup of tea before three of the policemen came to their senses and rushed forward to detain him.

'Now you be nice to the poor boy' Mrs. Holmes said 'You gave him quite a shock with all those guns of yours, I found him running around the street in panic' I quickly stepped forward to help as she started showing one of the officers how he was meant to put handcuffs on. The murderer was in shock, having only just realized his mistake in hiding in this particular house. He went quietly with the police.

'You should watch out Mr. Holmes' Lestrade said before leaving 'Or else it might be your mother people start going too for help'

Holmes was furious.

_More to come!_

_Please review and say what you thought! Also If there is anything that you would like to happen then let me know!_


	3. A fight between friends

_A/N: This chapter is not so much comedy as it is drama, but I hope you enjoy all the same:_

'Don't listen to him Holmes' I said 'After all you are far better then he is at his own job, why if it weren't for you...'

'WATSON PLEASE!!' yelled Holmes to my utter amazement 'Surprisingly I do not need your patronizing comments in a vain attempt to play on my ego!!' he had gone red and shook with rage. Anger echoing in his every syllable. 'And as for you mother, it is in your best interests that you spend the rest of the afternoon in Mrs. Hudson's company, for little Sherlock is not in the mood for entertaining!' She looked as shocked as I felt but soon regained her stern face as she said:

'Sherlock I insist that you apologize to poor John, you have no doubt damaged his feelings and...'

'MOTHER, I INSIST THAT YOU DISAPPEAR. I DON'T GIVE A DAM ABOUT _JOHN'S FEELINGS' _and with that he turned his back on us both, holding his head in one hand whilst curling the other into a tight fist.

Mrs. Holmes gave a angry huff before existing through the dining room door. We were now alone, and I built up the courage to speak.

'Holmes to send your own mother from the room!'

'Watson I...don't...care' he sounded out slowly as if speaking to a simpleton.

'You are acting like a child Holmes' I said simply, holding my ground.

'Then I shall act like a child Watson' he said turning around ' After all is it not always you that is two steps behind? Is it not you that has to be treated as an infant because you can't understand even the simplest of things?'

I now felt anger rising in my own face as all of my previous annoyances at the man came to the surface in one great outburst.

'Holmes how can you speak of your self in such a high respect! When you yourself are possibly the worst friend a man could have! Why you are vain, callous, self contained, and probably one of the most insufferable men in all England!!' his face had now returned to its normal colour and gone sullen, but I was not to end there 'You have left me to believe you were dead! You have put down my intelligence on numerous occasions, and you have even been so selfish as to only have thought of yourself when I married!

I would have stopped there if it were not for his sneer that told me quite plainly how little he cared. Without thinking I centered my weight, pulled back my arm and punched him squarely on the nose. He fell back against the wall clutching his face. Now looking up at me he removed his hand. Blood dripped down his face from his nose. I steadied myself, jaw set, waiting for the blow. He did not hit me however, instead he lurched forward grabbing me by the throat and slamming me against the wall by the fire place. His grip was strong enough to hold me, but loose enough so that I could breath. It was the sudden jolt of my shoulder that was causing me agony, and it was now being pressed against some sharp object protruding from the wall. My war wound burnt.

Holmes had now raised his fist, he was shouting something but I was in to much pain to listen. My face was contorted, and he must have noticed for he let go instantly, his eyes turning from angry to worried. His lips formed my name but everything had gone foggy and I couldn't hear. Slowly I gave into my stiffened shoulder that throbbed in pain. The blankness entreated around my eyes, and I passed out.

I awoke to the taste of brandy on my lips. I was glad to feel that the pain had gone away, and I opened my eyes.

'Watson your awake' came Holmes voice. He had laid me on the sofa, and I now sat up.

There was a nervous silence. Both of us not knowing what to say. Holmes finally broke the silence.

'Watson I'm so sorry, I didn't know your bad shoulder was pressed against that nail, why didn't you say something?'

'Holmes you were strangling me old man' I replied, smiling at his expression.

'Oh... oh yes... I'm... sorry about that too' he hung his head slightly

'Not at all old friend, it was my fault for hitting you' I said

The was another nervous pause

'It was a very good hit though!' he said finally

'Thank you'

We both burst out laughing at the same time.

'How's your nose?' I asked, feeling the atmosphere had lightened considerably.

'Fine thank you, apart from being hit of cause, but then I was acting in a most immature manner'

'And I gave an equally immature response, perhaps we should agree that we were both in the wrong'

'Yes perhaps we should, but sorry again for the shoulder...'

'It's perfectly aright now, and at any rate I would rather have a saw shoulder then what you have'

'What's that?'

'An angry mother to face'

He looked at the door, flinching slightly as Mrs. Holmes voice rang up the stairs

'Sherlock! I would like a word in the kitchen if you please!'

_Until next time..._

_OK so this chapter was... Slightly different, but you are going to have to give your own opinion about it so make sure to review!_


	4. An apology

_Sorry this has taken so long! Thanks to everyone who is reading and more so to those that are reviewing! Hope you enjoy:_

Tentatively Holmes went downstairs. A few seconds later a stern voice could be heard followed by a sudden crashing noise and loud footfall. I opened the door and looked down the banister to see Holmes running up the stairs, his mother following quickly behind him with her hand raised. If I hadn't thought otherwise I would guess that she was trying to slap him across the leg. As they reached the top of the stairs I could see that I had thought wrong, she was definitely trying to slap him across the leg. Making a lung for him as he reached the top he narrowly avoided her hand by jumping the last few steps. Sighting my presence, there was something close to relieve in his eyes as he rushed towards me. His mother, standing a metre away, had stopped her attack in light of me being there.

'Sherlock I don't know what I will do with you!' she panted 'It reminds me of when you were six. Remember? You spent a whole two days hidden in the wardrobe just because you wouldn't confront your father!'

'What did he do?' I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

'He climbed up the side of the house, and then broke one of the windows trying to force it open. I know you only did it because Billy and the other boys were chasing you, but that's no excuse, I always told you that all you have to do is have a civil word with them and they would stop'.

"Mother you remember what happened when I tried to 'have a civil word with them' and at any rate I wasn't running away I was trying to see how easy it would be for a burglar to get into the house' he replied, I could hear the embarrassment in his voice.

'Nonsense Sherlock! A nevertheless that's not the point, you need to learn to apologise!' She said

I noticed that Holmes was standing behind me for his mothers hand was still raised, he who I had seen bravely appose and stand up to some of the worst criminals in Europe, now stood hiding behind his friend from his mothers wrath.

'I am perfectly capable of apologising!' he spluttered in indignation.

'Then show it Sherlock! Tell john here your sorry you hurt his feelings' I now went red with embarrassment myself.

'Mrs.Holmes I assure you it's really not necessary, I'm quite used...'

'Well you shouldn't be used to it John dear! Sherlock needs to learn to treat his friends with respect. Now apologize!'

'Mother...'

'Apologize!'

'Very well, Watson I am... very sorry for how I treated you earlier, it was most immature of me and I assure you that it will not happen again'

'And his feelings'

'And I am sorry if I damaged your er... feelings'

'Um... that's quite alright Holmes I'm sure ill be fine'

'Good, then shouldn't we be heading to Sampson's?'

'What?'

'You know our... appointment at Sampson's'

'Oh yes yes, we should get going' I said catching on. 'Well I'm sorry we have to leave Mrs.Holmes but it's rather important... um business we have to deal with, you now how it is'

'Oh of course I understand, murder is it? Another one of your 'detective' games' she said, distracted by our excuse to leave she had calmed down, but I noticed that Holmes still kept to the side of me as we past her to leave.

'Yes a bit like that' I said 'Well we'll be off then' and we stepped out onto the street before hailing a cab. Holmes started muttering in french, and for once I was glad that I couldn't understand him.

We spend a delightful evening dining, Holmes even going so far as to let me take one of his pieces in chess! I knew that this was his way of apologising, and it warmed me far more then the forced apology of earlier.

We returned home late, only to find Mary and Violet still awake and in conversation.

'Sherlock dear!' Mary said as we entered, although it brought joy to my heart to see her loving eyes looking in my direction as she said it. I'm not sure Holmes even noticed the remark, as he entered and sat down in his usual chair.

For a while there was a silence broken only by weak attempts at conversation. Mrs. Holmes was reading, though I observed that her eyes were not moving, and she must be a slow reader indeed to take over fifteen minutes before turning a page, I got the feeling that in her age she couldn't see the words at all. Finally Mary rose.

'Well I think I'll retire for the night dear' she said to Holmes. Sensing my meaningful glare he rose too.

'Oh er... goodnight then dear' he said stiffly, and with another meaningful glare from me he stepped forwards. At first he made to kiss her hand, but I coughed to draw his attention and casually tapped my cheek. After a second or two he lent forward and after a few seconds more he kissed her on the cheek. To the average observer one would think he had just been made to kiss a lion, but his mother in all her oddities seemed not to notice.

Homes sat down in relieve and lit his pipe. He had hardly taken one puff on it however before Mrs. Holmes started coughing violently.

'Are you alright?' I asked from over my newspaper.

'Oh yes I'm fine' she replied, however her somewhat pretentious coughing became louder and louder, and in the end Holmes could no longer ignore it. He muttered a few indistinguishable words before going to his room. I noticed she gave a small smile before returning to her never-ending page.

_OK I'm sorry this was kinda short. If you want more of a particular character, for example more Mary+Holmes, Lestrade or Mrs. Holmes, do make sure to say in your review!_


	5. The wrong syringe

_OK I'm sooooo sorry this has taken so long! Iv been doing exams, hopefully people are still reading, so here you are:_

As the next morning went by, it struck me that Holmes' mother was not entirely sain, however her short bursts of genius would be enough to wipe the thought from my mind completely, due to its reminding me forcefully of Holmes himself. But then again...

My musing was broken by a sudden shrill laugh, I did not turn from my writing desk however, as I was now used to these sudden fits. Mrs Holmes had been sitting on the couch for the most of the morning and her fits of babble and laughter had become a common silence breaker in the room. Mary was currently down stairs in the kitchen and Holmes was spending as much time as possible in the confines of his room.

There was a slight scraping noise behind me and Mrs Holmes broke into muttering, from the little I could hear she was talking about oysters.

"Vile things, plaguing the oceans! Eat 'em all that what I say!"

I gave a small sigh and continued with my work. It was only when the room went silent that I turned. Instantly I saw that this was due to Mrs.Holmes' mouth being occupied by a syringe, as she rolled up one of her sleeves. I opened my mouth to say something, but she had already seen the shock on my features, and, taking the syringe from between her teeth she said:

"Don't worry Doctor, this is just my medicine" before putting it back.

With a breath of relief I turned back around and continued to write. She soon resumed speaking.

"Doctor says I have to have it every day. Funny thing is, I thought I left it in my bag, but Iv just found it whilst looking through Sherlock's draw. He must have been keeping it safe for me."

With the shock of what she had said I spun around, only to see that Holmes' writing desk drawer was open, and Mrs.Holmes was holding the needle inches away from her arm.

Oh dear.

I tried to move, but before I did anything Holmes' form had shot out of nowhere, launching himself at the syringe. He managed to pull it from his mothers hand just in time.

"Sherlock! What are you doing?"

"Mother this isn't your medicine" He said, placing it back inside the drawer.

"Then what is it?"

"It's... my medicine" Holmes said tentatively. Mrs.Holmes raised her eyebrows, she obviously didn't believe him, I decided to intervene.

'How did you get into Holmes' drawer anyway? It's always locked."

"My dear Doctor" she said in a slightly patronising voice "It does not take a genius to pick a simple lock such as that".

"Nevertheless mother I would prefer that you desist from going though my drawer." said Holmes' testily, seating himself down in his armchair.

"Well Sherlock it's lucky that I did, or else I wouldn't have found this" She held up a women's picture. It took me a few seconds to realise it was that of Irene Adler. I had almost forgotten that he kept it.

"Have you told Mary about this Sherlock?"

"Mary? Why would Mary... oh."

"Hmm, well I insist that you call her up and explain to her who _this_ young lady is."

"But mother it's only... a late client..."

"I don't care if it's your aunt Hilda, you call her up now!"

With a huff he rose from his seat and called down the stairs to Mary. She entered a few moments later, slightly confused by the atmosphere of the room.

"Mary" Mrs.Holmes said stepping forward "Sherlock has something to tell you, he has been keeping this picture of another women in his private draw, have you not Sherlock? Go on just say. After all it's important to be honest to your wife is it not?"

Holmes looked at Mary for a moment before saying:

"What does it matter? She's not even..." He paused

I had known my Mary long enough to understand the angry look on her face. When I knew that Holmes had meant to say : 'even my wife', Mary sometimes took things the wrong way, as I had found out the previous day. She obviously thought he was going to say something along the lines of: 'She's not even that handsome' or 'she's not even that good of a wife herself'.

"What's wrong?" he asked, seeing her flushed face.

She pulled back her hand before slapping him hard across the face. Afterwards marching out the room and slamming that door. Holmes' head was still turned in shock and he raised a hand to his cheek.

"My dear Sherlock, you are not very good with women are you? 'What's wrong' indeed, so callous!"

_To be continued..._

_Please review and say what you thought._


	6. Roses cure everything

"Don't you worry dear boy" Said Holmes' mother as he collapsed into a chair "I'll make sure you get her back, you just sit here a moment and I'll go get things ready" Holmes looked at her with an expression that said quite clearly 'I wouldn't need to get her back if it weren't for you'. In her age however, she appeared not to notice.

I could tell he was finding the whole fake relationship very trying upon his patience, and I walked past him to my chair, patting him on the shoulder as I went as if to say 'it will all be over soon'. He understood, and rewarded my efforts with a quick smile. A few moments later his mother came hurrying back into the room, now carrying a bunch of flowers (that looked strangely like those from the vase in the hall). She marched over to her son and thrust them into his hands, seemingly retrieving him from his stupor as he now had several large roses pressed against his face.

"You give her these and she'll be right as rain. Though that doesn't mean that what you did was ok!" she said in a sudden stern voice. Her piercing eyes causing Holmes to look away. He got up and moved over towards the fire place, still holding the roses, and with a expression like he was being made to put on a clown suit.

"Of course this picture will have to go" she said, once again pulling the photo out of nowhere and holding it up. "Watson!" She said, so suddenly that I jumped, my previous isolation from the conversation had lead me to believe that I was not there at all.

"y..yes?" I stuttered coming too.

"You will take this downstairs and throw it away" she commanded, handing me the picture.

"Of course" I said, and taking the item I removed myself from the room, as I left It appeared she had started to give Holmes instructions, and he looked at me as if pleading that I would stay. I shrugged and left. Instead taking the door to my right and silently placing the picture under his pillow, I then walked downstairs encase she was listening, coming back a few moments later.

However, no sooner had I opened the door then I was being given new instructions.

"Doctor, you will go and get Mary, Sherlock is ready now" 'Sherlock' appeared to be on the brink of jumping out the window, and without even letting go of the handle I left once more.

On my return I briefly explained to Mary what Holmes had meant to say earlier on, she seemed not to entirely believe me but still agreed to come.

On entering I noticed that Holmes appeared to have combed down his hair. He strode forwards and, rather mechanically, pecked Mary on the cheek before straiting out once more. I observed that his muscles would go rigid when ever he did this.

"My dear Mary" he said, managing somehow to use not a drop of emotion in his voice, instead sounding like he was reading an extract from an extremely boring speech. "I apologise for with-holding the knowledge of the photo, of she who... I shall not speak" At this point he shot his mother an annoyed look, but she smiled and prompted him to go on. "I promise it will not happen again, and from this moment onward I will be the most attentive husband in all England" He concluded his speech by thrusting the flowers into her hands.

Mary was evidently having to force herself not to laugh, both she and I knew that what he had promised was as unlikely as men going into space. Holmes had gone red but seemed to be waiting for something.

"Oh!" said Mary trying to look serious "I forgive you Sherlock"

"That's... good, now if you will excuse me" he said bowing slightly and heading for his room, apparently suppressing the urge to run.

Mary, Mrs. Holmes and myself ate dinner and spent a tolerable evening in each others presence. I was finding talking to Mary only as a friend hard, and dearly looked forward to the next day when our act could be dropped. Mary left for bed an hour later, leaving Mrs.Holmes and myself reading our books in a somewhat uncomfortable silence. I was relieved therefore when Holmes made an appearance. He did not talk, but instead sat down at his chemistry table, starting to get out numerous vials of strangely colored liquid and mix them together.

I became more relaxed with him there, and soon after found my eyelids sagging, and my head rolling on to my shoulders. My mind began to wonder in and out of its subconscious thoughts: Mrs. Holmes, Mary, keys; a women's photo, oysters...then darkness began to fall upon me. I was drifting...drifting...

**BANG!!!!**

I woke with a start, my eyes darted around trying to remember where I was. After a few moments I remembered, and looking over at Holmes I could clearly see what had happened. He was sitting, his hair slightly askew, and his white shirt now a green one. He had a slight graze on his cheek. Threw it all though he seemed more annoyed at his experiment having gone wrong, then at his own state.

"I thought that might happen" he said, more to himself then us "I was rather hoping it would just change colour though" he sank into contemplation before taking the cork of a different bottle. "This time I will just have to add..."

"Oh no you don't!" came Mrs.Holmes voice, she had brought up an old rag and started to mop up around him "Far to dangerous!! I will have no more of it!"

"Mother you can not confiscate..."

"I can do what I wish!" she shot him a look as if challenging him to argue. Instead he gave a sigh and walked over to his bedroom door.

"I'm going to bed"

_To be continued..._

_Hope you enjoyed. Please comment. Next chapter is the last!_


	7. Happy Goodbyes

_And so we come to the end! Again I apologise soooooooooooooo much for taking so long with the chapters. It was SherlockianGirl that got me to finish this chapter, she gave me the slap around the face I needed lol! Thanks for all your reviews! I read each one with a smile, and have taken all suggestions and comments into consideration. So here you go:_

I got up and walked forward to help with the clearing up, but was stopped instantly by Mrs.Holmes.

"Oh no Doctor, I wouldn't dream of employing you're help, when your eyes are yet to fully open, and you are walking like a drunkard" she said was a smile.

I was about to take offence at her remark, however I then walked into the coffee table and so changed my mind, it would appear she was right after all. Trying to retain as much self pride as a man could in my position, I sat down and restrained myself from rubbing the saw knee.

"Of course Locky was always a stubborn child"

"Locky?" I asked, now smiling to myself.

"Oh yes, of course I have decided not to call him that any more"

"Why not?"

"For I shouldn't want to get wet that's why" she looked at me as though the whole thing was painfully obvious.

"I don't understand... why would you end up wet?"

"Well, one of Locky's friends from school started calling him Locky too, what was the child's name?... Oh yes Big Billy, that's what they called him" I instantly envisioned the playground bully "Well he yelled out 'Locky' at Sherlock one day, as they where coming home from school"

"What happened?"

"My Sherlock ran up to him at pushed him strait into the river that's what"

I grinned as I imagined the scene. So deep were we now in conversation that we didn't notice the bedroom door slowly open.

"But as I was saying, he was always a stubborn child, I told him once not to drink so much water before bed, or he would be needing the toilet, he insisted he was fine. Of course, it was my new linen that ended up wet this time!" she began to chuckle picturing the memory. I myself, tried to keep my face controlled, resisting the urge to laugh.

"Mind you Doctor, that was the only time he ever wet the bed, and even then he insisted it was only a spilt drink" we both laughed this time.

"IT WAS JUST A SPILT DRINK!" came a different voice, so suddenly that I jumped.

Holmes was standing in the doorway in his dressing gown, a look of stubborn anger on his face. I instantly stopped laughing. Mrs.Holmes on the other hand seemed completely unfazed by his entrance, and continued to chuckle until she was quite warned out.

"Sherlock my dear, you should be in bed, it's late" she now said, still smiling.

"But I..."

"No, no excuses, that's final"

"Watson gets to stay up" he mumbled, before realising what that must have sounded like and going bright red. Trying to regain himself he stood up as tall as he could before saying: "I mean... I am old enough to descide when I retire mother, I am no longer an infant and I wish you would save you patronising remarks for someone who is, you may not have realised but I already command a respect amongst some very high up people, why, I have been engaged by kings! If they were to know that I was getting sent to bed by my mother! It's an outrage!" he seemed quite proud at having stood up to his mother, however she appeared not to have been listening.

"That's right dear, now off you pop to bed, here, I'll come tuck you in" amongst his arguments she led him into his room. I heard a final angry "But mother!" before the door shut behind them. I now decided to retire myself. As I was getting into my night clothes I thought I could hear Mrs.Holmes singing a bedtime song. What I would give to see Holmes face now!

* * *

When I came down in the morning it was to find Mrs.Holmes standing by the front door with her bags. Holmes was standing next to her, but with all his acting skills he was finding it hard to keep the smile from his face.

"Ar Doctor, I was just leaving!" she said in a chirpy voice.

"Oh, so soon Mrs Holmes?" I said, but stopped as Holmes shot me a look, that told me quite clearly to keep my mouth shut.

"Yes well, although I know you will you will all miss me" following Holmes suit I nodded my head hard. "I have other people to meet and lots of places to visit while I'm here in London" she stepped outside and Holmes stepped into the road, signaling for a cab.

"So" I said while we were waiting "where will you be visiting next?" Holmes now joined us, having now fetched a hansom.

"Well I will be visiting Mycroft of course!" we both exchanged looks of humor, God only knew how Mycroft would be able to cope with it.

With that she stepped into the cab, but just as it pulled off she said out the window:

"Oh and Sherlock dear, do write to me when you really get a wife"

"Yes Mother" he replied, his fake smile changing to a look of annoyance. So the whole fascade had been for nothing? The hansom rounded the corner.

"Well I certainly see now why you did not want her coming to visit!" I said, but Holmes was mumbling to himself:

"Now where has she put my chemistry set?"

We walked indoors.

"Why don't we go and have a pot of tea Locky?"

_The End_

_OK, and so we end, I am glad to see that people actually found my attempt at humor somewhat entertaining! Thank you again for all your comments, I have really enjoyed writing this! Although my next stories will probably be a romance and another will be a spiritual, I will write humor again, as soon as I have come up with another idea! Please review! _

_SherlockAshFowl_


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